Where's Jonno?: A Ding and a dong, and Belize is gone!

Note: Caye is pronounced "key"

We blew through Belize like an afternoon breeze,
Most of our time was spent in the Cayes,
Bronzing and snorkellin', drinking some rum,
We figured out why it's a place people come.
But alas things are costly, so we got on a rocket,
And headed for the border, with not a dolla in our pocket!

Observations made during my very brief stay (about a week) in a limited area of Belize:

One man, Barry Bowen, owns a monopoly on the beer in Belize; Belikin beer -- and it's not even that good. Barry is a apparently a very good business man, which generally (although not necessarily) means he's slightly bent in da head. For example, rumour has it that another brewing company started up once upon a time in Belize. Barry no likey. Barry likey monopoly. Barry will crushy. However, instead of making better beer, he just bought all 250,000 beer bottles (which are normally re-used, which is why there's a deposit on them when you buy them) at 5x the price of the deposit, and crushed them all, then used the glass to make the cement for his next brewery. The competition couldn't afford more capital and was desolved. But hey, it's all hearsay.
English is an official language, the only country in Central America where this is true. Although it *sounds* like it's english most people are speaking, they're actually speaking a dialect of English Creole. From what I can tell, this means that instead of saying "we are having a lovely proper jam session" they say "we be jammin', mon"
It's full of palm trees, and is very green at this time of year.
It's expensive compared to neighbouring countries to DO anything, and to eat.
They Caye's are full of black people, and Chinese people own the grocery stores and there are a huge # of Chinese restaurants
Golf carts are far have more than just one use: they are the transportation of choice on the Caye islands
it's SO relaxed -- everytin' aight, mon!

So we crossed the border from Mexico from Chetumal, which ended up taking us twice as long as expected (note, if you want to get across the border, go when it's open -- you can always hop it, but that somehow seems a little sketchy, and makes getting out of the country a little tricker too, I hear).

(a golf cart I hitched a ride on with Jose)

When we did get to Belize, we ended up catching the last boat out to one of the Caye's. The pet on the dock let us know we were somewhere different.

(What happened to cats and dogs?)

Turns out, it wasn't going to the island we thought it was. Whoops; ah well, accept it as it was, not as we wanted it to be. Plus, this just gave us another reason to check out a new place.

Caye Ambergris is the more developed and more touristy (read: expensive) of the two islands. We spent the night there, and headed for Caye Cauker the next day. Caye Cauker is much more laid back, and might freeze if it becomes any more chill.

(this pretty much sums it all up)

We spent a few great days in Caye Cauker. We think there was a porno being made beside our cabin for the first few nights, so we moved out, to a far more tranquil (yet somehow, less exciting) place. This will be laughed about for a good long time I believe. I would share the dialogue with you, but this post shall remain PG/13.

We went snorkelling one day. We went with the most eco-friendly option: a sailboat. And it didn't hurt that they drowned us with free rum and lunch.

(Oh Pirates, yes, they robbed I!)

Belize is home to the 2nd largest Barrier Reef in the world. We swam with some sharks (which, contrary to popular opinion, are wussies. I could totally take one), manta rays, groupers, and an assortment of other tropical fish and corals that looked mostly like brains. Oh, and I could see!! The day we left Mexico, I picked up a slightly poorly fitted pair of contacts that have done the job quite well. For those of you that can't see without assistance, you know what a huge deal this is!

(a whole lot of sissies)

One day we saw seahorses. Unfortunately they were in a jar.

(jar full of seahorses, facefull of Logan)

Of course, I had to jump off the Rasta bar's diving board a few times.

(do not attempt this at home, if you do, close your legs)

They have a very nice rum in Belize, called One Barrel...

(individual results may vary; bottle of One Barrel: $4; Jumping off the dock in the dark in your undies and posting it to your blog... priceless.)

Our last day in Belize, we ran into Charles, the English fella that we met in Palenque that gave us a ride up to Tulum, in Mexico. Turned out he was heading the same way we were, so we decided to head that way together.

We left the Caye's behind, and with a brief stop in Belize city to get Charles' car, we were off.

(the true Belize city: white man, black man, rasta man)

As we were trying to decide whether or not to push through the border or not, we consulted the Lonely Bible and found a really great spot really close to the border, called Barton Creek Outpost.

(Barton Creek Outpost)

This place was touted as the gem of Belize.

(the only sign, on the main road, to get to Barton Creek)

Although it wasn't particularly easy to get to, about 45 minutes of off-roading without a single sign along the way...

(Well, okay, ONE sign: Across the CREEK? Where ARE we?)

(well, well, no joke!)

...when we showed up, it was like a hidden paradise. Around the table sat a bunch of surfer/ski-bum type dudes, a guitar lying to the side, the whole lot playing poker on a deck that overlooked a river, that cut through the jungle where this place was located.