A typical conversation

I get a lot of the same questions everywhere I go, so I'll make up a completely fake and partially ridiculous conversation that I'd have on any typical day.

*Jonathan walks into a diner, flashy his pearly whites around the room, looking for eye contact. It's pretty hard to miss him, what, with his cowboy look, shining eyes, and a-la-mode hairstyle, freshly carved out by his bike helmet.*

Jonathan: "Howdy!"
Stranger, becoming a friend: "Hola amigo.. I see you rode up on a gallant steed, what brings you down this road?"
Jonathan: "Well, friend, my legs of course."
Friend: *chuckling* "You're a funny lad, not to mention good looking, come sit with me, we'll chat about the world awhile."
Jonathan: "Why how kind you are, thank you."
Friend: "So, where you coming from?"

*At this point, a quick assessment of the person must be done. Do they REALLY want to know? Are you going to insult them by saying a place to small, or a place too big?*

Jonathan: "BC, about 120 km west of Nelson."
Friend: *nodding* "Oh ya."

*Obviously they didn't know, but don't really care, they were just being polite.*

Friend: "So where ya heading?"
Jonathan: "East. Depends on when the snow flies. My folks tell me there's a chance of flurries today, and I tell them there's a chance of me catching the bus."
Friend: "Oh ya, she was a cold one last night boy."
Jonathan: "Foooooof, you're telling me! I'm in my tent outside the ! Woke up when my breath that had frozen to the ceiling of my tent started to melt and drip on me with the morning sun."
Friend, inching closer: "Mmmm, you poor thing -- Fran, give this boy a coffee!"
Jonathan: "Oh you don't have t... thank you so much."
Friend: "So how far you going every day?"
Jonathan: "Depends on a few things... #1) the wind -- a headwind literally cuts my distance in half when compared to a tailwind; #2) the weather -- a cold morning, is a sleeping bag morning; #3) the terrain -- hills, not that I've seen any for 800 km, but when they DO sneak up on ya, they slow ya down. But generally speaking, about 100 km a day."
Friend: "Holy smokes, I couldn't do that!"
Jonathan: "You might surprise yourself! I think you could.."
Friend: "Really? Fran, bring this boy some cake; you know he's biking 100 km a day??"
*Turning back to Jonathan* "So how fast do you go?"
Jonathan: "Again, depending on the three factors... with a tailwind, about 25km/hr, with a headwind, about 15 km/hr, no wind and a few hills, about 20 km/hr. Top speed's been about 75 km/hr."
*This is the precise moment where you can see them shit themselves.*
Friend: "SEVENTY-FIVE? Are you joking? My jalopy can barely do 75!"
Jonathan: "Maybe it was you I passed on the way in here?"

*Both people laugh.*

* At this point, Jonathan inserts some relatively amusing story about the trip, even if he has to make one up, that makes the locals feel good about their situation, and can relate to him. Especially valuable if it's open ended and they can add to it. *

*We continue on with such talk for as long as we're both in the place. Generally, we end up talking about a few different things, depending on the sex. With women, it's about the safety of the trip, and calling the folks, and what to eat and wear. With men, it's cost of living, real estate, jobs and economy. Both like to talk about small town living, if you're in a small town, which you almost certainly are. And we all live happily ever after."

If you want any questions answered that weren't here, just ask...